Now this one is very telling of the mindsets of women who are involved with sex offenders and are some of the loudest voices in RSOL. If you dont think this one is fucked up then nothing will shock you?
Hcjfctc is a very vocal RSOL voice around the web: Out of her mouth and onto the web we have this in response to Mystified123:
and I quote from her stupid mouth : ""That is a tough situation. My husband touched a neighbor girl, so I understand your confusion and uncertainty. However, I honestly believe if it had been our daughter, I'd be gone. I couldn't do that to her. (She may not have realized it but what she said was its ok to abuse someone else's child that can be forgiven and I am willing to "stand by my man" as long as it was another familes child who was sexually abused..
Claire53- chimed in with "What a terribly complex and difficult experience for all concerned. The good news is, your daughter is not a little girl. She is a young woman, and, I assume, looks like a young woman"
What does that mean Claire? Why include that in a response? Does her maturity aspect give a pass to the "stepfather"? sure sounds like it..
and of course while Mystified doesnt realize it she has officially folded with "I don't know if my daughter will ever come to the point of being able to give him another chance. I am afraid, if I choose him one day in the future she will resent me. I have decided to lay it all down and just focus on taking care of myself, my children and get through my graduate program. I asked him to leave us some space for a while so that I could heal. He will keep in touch through skype, email and telephone while seeking out a 12 step program for SA and a ministry that can help sort his own stuff out.
Another family bites the dust under the "guise" of I will blame it on addiction and not the pure truth that my husband isnt worth the ink to write his name, but rather than admitting I made a poor choice in a life partner I'll stick it out and leave it in GODS hands..(that way I can play martyr while throwing my daughter under the bus) and round and round we go..
Sunday, September 9, 2012
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I know this won't get published since you seem to only publish YOUR comments, but an FYI from hcjfctc, I am not a member of RSOL nor have I been very vocal. You've seen what one, maybe two, of my posts (not including rebuttles)? Just wanted to clarify and as I said when you posted this very same thing in rebuttle, I never said what he did was ok nor did I say I would "stand by my man." Also, mystified decided that it was best to not stay with hers and many told her that he showed he was not likely to be repentant since he is placing the blame on porn and alcohol and not taking responsibility. Seems to me that you are just seeing what you want to see and ignoring the rest. I do pray for you and show you love from here on out. I don't know what you've been through just as you do not know what I've been through. I just need to keep asking God why He loves you because as of now, I don't see it, but I do know He loves you and so I do hope I find it soon to be able to more adequately show love to you.
In fact, guess you didn't read my full post...I bolded the part you seem to have missed.
Reply #11 09/04/12 4:10pm
hcjfctc
That is a tough situation. My husband touched a neighbor girl, so I understand your confusion and uncertainty. However, I honestly believe if it had been our daughter, I'd be gone. I couldn't do that to her. Like lifegonewrong said, he's already made a mistake by displacing the blame away from himself. I do encourage you to get counseling for your daughter, as well as, yourself. It can really help you see the dysfunction and heal from it all to a point of being able to clearly make this decision. *hugs*
hcjfctc
"That is a tough situation. My husband touched a neighbor girl, so I understand your confusion and uncertainty. However, I honestly believe if it had been our daughter, I'd be gone. I couldn't do that to her."
Those are your words not mine. Taken in context and nothing deleted or interjected. Stand outside yourself for a moment. Do you honestly think I am the only person in the world who would take your post to mean anything different than what I wrote?
" just need to keep asking God why He loves you because as of now, I don't see it, but I do know He loves you and so I do hope I find it soon to be able to more adequately show love to you"
Sweetie nothin for nothin but I doubt religion and or God has much to do with your above sentence.Let me take the heat off of you, dont worry about my soul, your group has plenty on its plate without debating with each other or within yourselves as to someone elses salvation.
A deep abiding Faith in a higher power is suppose to help guide those who are lost into the light so they may become crusaders for a better world "for ourselves and those who come after us". Your group use God and forgiveness as a "punchline" and an excuse to stay in the dark. Not to mention I didnt see much of "God" in any of your post when referring to those who disagree with you.
Since I know you will read this, and run back to your group, may I ask a question? Why do you allow Derek Logue as a member? Forget my hostile relationship with him for a minute, why do you envite and allow someone who not only antagonizes every anti in sight but also new members who stumble on your board for guidance? Always rather curious about Logue's inner circle when he does more to antagonize the public than offering your points of view up for civil dialogue? You obviously are not aware that the moment Logue appears on any forum under any name the entire mood of the conversation shuts down and goes against whatever you are trying to say.Right? I read somewhere that one forum keeps him around for his "research on legal issues" concerning the subject, but each member of the forum utimately ends up doing damage control over his post. I have often said, "that for sex offenders to include and embrace every other sex offender for no other reason than "status" may not be in their best interest".Yet? You keep doing it.. do what ya want, but its just an observation by many more people than myself.
I'm still not seeing where I say that I'm ok with what my husband did or that I'm standing by him. For the record, I feel what my husband did was very wrong and think he should get the punished for it. While I may not be pursuing divorce at the moment, I'm not pursuing our marriage either. I'm simply trying to emotionally and spiritually heal from all this so that I can clearly make this decision. Maybe for many something like this would be an automatic divorce, but for me, it's just not so black and white. When I married, I married for life and I didn't think there was anything in this world that would ever bring the word "divorce" into my vocabulary concerning my marriage...until this. To know someone so deeply and intimately and know their good, bad and in between only to be blindsided by something of this nature is not something that is easy to make sense of and figure out. I don't pray such things for anyone and I hate that it took something like this for me to see the other side of things. For so long, I would have stood by you and fought for what you fight for, but now I see the other side. I no longer fight for the anti-sex offender side nor do I fight for the RSOL side, I fight for what will really make a difference. I fight for true prevention and education. What could have been done to prevent my abuse? My neighbor girl's? and all the countless children, women and men? Some of my ideas coincide with RSOL, some with yours and some are my own, but even the ones that mesh with others are not for the same reasons or motivations. Believe what you will about me, but this is truly a situation that no one can fully understand unless they have walked the same/similar path.
As for Derek...I'm not an admin so I don't know. Is his screen name oncefallen? I've never seen issues with him. He has not seemed disruptive or anything of the sort, but I don't read every post, so I could be wrong with that. On the same note, no one on DS knows I posted here unless they read it themselves they won't, so no I will not be running back to my group about it.
To the person who just sent me a comment: I get the feeling you dont want that post published, this site doesnt have the capacity for private messenging so its difficult for me to respond without "outing you" and I am going to go with my gut on this one and not publish it, until you give me the OK. If you do I can respond.
That's gracious of you. My dirty laundry has already been aired so I don't mind you posting it.
First off let me categorically state I am no "witch doctor" as some on your site want to appear.
I do firmly "believe" that once a woman has children her "calling to recognize between right and wrong" raises the bar dramatically. Its ncumbant on her as a valuable member of society to ensure her feelings are directed and her actions are based always in the best interest of her bloodline. I realize that sentence could sound as if its out of a National Geographic show but in the big picture the correlation is the same. As women we have a tendency to "overthink" things that mire us down in either doing nothing and stagnating or the "I think I can fix it" instinct kicks in. You cant fix this kind of broke, he stepped over a boundary he can never step back from. You will never look at him the same, never have that all inclusive trust a woman needs to have to grow into her own with a capable partner. To give him "one more minute of your life" will cause you to lose the respect of society, your family, your children and effectively eliminate your ever gaining respect from any "good man" who willingly would step in and lift your family to a higher place. If you stay with this guy or "give it your best shot" you will be a draw for any lowlife who thinks your an easy mark for his particular dysfunctions. You only have one choice. Cut the cord, and deliver a message to not only yourself but anyone in your world. The next and only contact you need to have with him? Is getting his gamebox together and dropping it off at his next of kin. Only then can you hold your head up.
Oh and never ever let the "addiction to porn" come into play. Porn addiction may very well be on the list of accepted addictions these days" That doesnt mean you have to be his "handler". It also doesnt give men the "out" to throw their family under the bus as yours did. I read alot of women posting about their men having alcohol or porn or whatever the flavor of the day addiction stories and the women having to treat it as some medically accepted crutch. Thats bullshit. Like I said you have a higher responsibility to your children and to society than to give these guys free-passes cause they arent quite up to breeding stock. Personally?? I think you can make it and come out ahead. You dont want to walk on this kind of glass for the rest of your life. My advice, get the broom and sweep it out. You can do it and it will be easier and more empowering than flip flopping on some " I married for life" mantra, obviously he didnt feel the same way so why waste your heart?
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