Saturday, November 15, 2014

Amazing what some women will do

I could never quite grasp the concept of women actively searching out convicted sex offenders for relationships. But its not as rare as one would suppose it is. (Which is frightening). Many support groups (especially the daily strength) website have various forums for persons who look for affirmation from others and pour out their guts looking for the proverbial pat on the back from like minded persons in the same "sinking boat". What is common seems to be women who may have either had teenage relationships or had early aquaintance relationships with offenders. For some deranged reason many of these women re-connect with these offenders after 15-20 years. Seems after they have married, had children and then divorce do they actively re-engage with either someone in prison or have been released from prison and have sex offender status?? Of course the ever present "I always knew he was my soul mate" is the most prevalent "excuse" for resuming the relationship. What is very unsettling is these "women" have forfieted their relationships with Parents, friends and relatives when they expose their new "love interest" and even more disturbing is many times they give up their "children". If it were not so "pathetic" to read the predictable excuses and Promises these "convicts" make and these "women" fall for, it would be comical. "He swears" he would never "do it again"? He "cant wait to be in my arms"? "He has learned his lesson and All he can envision is a walk on the beach arm in arm"?? Oh and can you send extra "canteen" money for "tennis shoes"? "sorry about the $300 buck collect calls and that extra job you had to take to pay for my worthless ass while I sit in here". "It will be worth it, once I have you in my arms"? and these broads fall for it. Here is the clincher,the sheer number of excuses they make for their "soul mates" crimes. The pressure of their jobs, the unhappiness of their previous relationship, the meth, the coke, the alcohol, (and thats on the rare occation where the perp actually admits to the crime) seems to be a viable excuse for these women to look past the criminal histories and play martyr! One must ponder what will these "freaks" do when the pressure of parole, the registry, the hunt for employment, the GPS fees, the counseling fees and the residency restrictions hit them between the eyes. Wonder how long it takes for the "bloom to fall off the rose" then? I'll tell you how long, when these women realize they dont even KNOW this guy, but its too late because they dug their heels in with everyone who knew them, already spent thousands on the guy,are the predominant breadwinner and are too embarrassed to admit they "fucked up" by even attempting a life with this "stranger". But they will continue on these "forums" to get a high five from other women who chose an equally dismal road to travel so they can wallow in their stupidity together. Which takes us full circle, they seem to think the Post incarceration issues is the source of their woes, if society took all that away, abolished the registry, no fees, no restrictions, These convicts would actually have to "perform" being an equal partner in the relationship which they were never capable of being before they got arrested?? Chicken or the egg???


Valigator said...

Real mother of the year, ya think?

Hi my husband is in prison for a sex offense against my daughters (his step daughters) and has a sentence of 10 to life and it has only been a year. It is hard everyday to deal with this and wonder how it will be when he gets out. I wonder if I can make it through the next 9 or so years. My family has very little to do with me and his family has walked away 100%. I have friends that support me luckily. No one understands until they are in this situation. Reading what you have said about when they get out, that is terrible and I just hope we can get through it. My oldest daughter is not happy that I still have anything to do with my husband and my youngest says if that what makes you happy. I do not tell them about our calls, letters or visits but they know. I thought when this first happened I would hate him and not want anything to do with him, but within a month I was missing him terribly, crying constantly just being miserable that I contacted him and that is all it took. I knew I still loved him even though he did a terrible thing to my children.
""I am always curious about mothers like this, "how on God's green earth can you look into your children(s) eyes and betray them so entirely?? Children do not have the luxury of disclaiming their "mothers" when they are thrown under the bus by them in favor of the "victimizer".

Anonymous said...

Its almost like sonebody falling for a batshit crazy bitch like yourself Val. egg or the chicken...

Valigator said...

and another poor choice:
Last summer, I was living with my friend/neighbor and his family when my now-boyfriend (I'll call him D) was released from prison and returned home (where I lived-he is my friend's older brother). He had a 10-year sentence for a sex offense, served 8 and a half years and was being released on parole and has to register for the rest of his life. At first, I was apprehensive about staying at the house, but I'm glad I did. For about 3 or 4 months after D came home, we began to talk in passing (hard not to, as I was living with his family). I obviously knew he was an SO but did not know the exact nature of his crime. We talked more and more, and got closer and closer, and sure enough, found ourselves falling in love with each other.

He started to tell me some things he would learn in his group therapy, introduced me to his P.O. Finally, when we decided to become a couple, he let me read his court documents, which explained that his crime was aggravated sexual assault of a child """"(when he was 17-she was a 5 year old"""" that he would babysit for a family friend). He told me stories of his behavior (other than the crime, like being an alcoholic as well) and explained what kind of treatment he has been through since being incarcerated. I was terrified at the thought that he would do something like that to a kid, but also realized that he has become a completely different person since then. He was incarcerated when he was 18, released when he was 26. I thought about the ways I've changed just from ages 18-22 and thought about the fact that he just made a terrible "choice" as a teenager.

I began to feel ashamed and naive almost, that I would fall in love with someone like this, but quickly came to terms that as long as I am comfortable with him now, that his past would not bother me as much. I was TERRIFIED to approach my parents to tell them that we were in a relationship, and finally told them about 5 months into our relationship. They were totally accepting, mostly because we were close with his family since we lived next door. My parents now LOVE D and we couldn't be any happier! We've been together for about 15 months now, and we are both fairly sure that we will get married one day. I am worried about when/if we have children, but I've come to terms that as long as I LEARN and WATCH his behaviors, there shouldn't be any problems.
umm,,, assaulted a 5 year old?? Seems all the 17 year old's I ever knew had their eye on cheerleaders, NOT a 5 YEAR OLD!! A terrible Choice uh?? a choice is deciding whether to put bacon on your cheeseburger, not raping a 5 year old (aggravated assault). And this broad is "willingly" and "knowingly" attempting to walk on this "glass"? But hey, she will look for "triggers" that will send him off to unzip his pants with babies right?? Of course EffieSteffie jumps in and wishes her well.. Put both of these broads on the BAD Breeders website..

Anonymous said...

You are such a poisonous snake Val. You and your conservative tea/bagging bs is enough to make me vomit. I think you're jealous because you can't bag a man. When you go on you Bohemian vacation, stay there and relieve us of your sanctimonial piles of crap.

Valigator said...

"jealous"??? Yea I stay up nights pacing the floor that I cant find a "freak" with a criminal background, who will have a lifetime of being watched like a bug under glass. It devastates me I wont have the opportunity to look over my shoulder at every gathering or event to "watch" and "guage" the interactions my significant other has with anything wearing diapers on up..Yea I would really miss the "whispers" and the uncomfortable "herding" of all the kids so they can be "collectively Observed" by all the adults when my "MAN" enters the property.."Jealous" may not be the correct adjective "I" would use, but I am sure it rolls off your tongue easily when rationalizing Your relationship right?

Anonymous said...

Nobody said anything about finding a "creep" Val. You can't find anybody willing to listen to your sniveling bitching about society and how unfair it is. You won't ever get it because you're mind is one track only.

Valigator said...

You seem to "cling" to my every word now dont you???

Anonymous said...

Good one you really told me. Gesh.

Valigator said...

The word jeesh, not "gesh" is a slang expression, usually used when someone is
"exasperated", like gee. It apparently also means to "urinate" in Farsi.

Anonymous said...

Some of us didn't "leave" our children! We walked away from a horrible, degrading, drug addicted relationship to pursue something better!!! I, myself, left my ex husband bc he was taking 60 vicodin and 60 xanax in 3-5 days. I decided to rekindle an old flame from high school, who happens to be my first and only true love!!! Yes, he's an S.O. He admits what he did was wrong. Did his time and has completely turned his life around. Today he owns his own business which i help run and takes care of me and his elderly father. He hasn't had so much as a parking ticket since he was released from prison 8 years ago!!! I moved forward, onto bigger and better things. Even my mom, and yes... She knows of his "status" says i am better off than i ever was with my ex husband.

Valigator said...

"anonymous" you left plenty out, but I wouldn't expect you to pour your guts out in detail here.

I think you do not grasp the big picture here. It does not do society any good for your husband to "fail". I don't know anyone who would take "glee" in watching your husband re-offend if one more "victim" had to take the brunt of his failure. That being said, any issues you have with the repercussions of the registry is NOT the registries Fault. Those issues go back to the crime itself, (which seems to be the huge disconnect between you and persons as myself). I do take issue with retro-active restrictions but it seems the retro active legislation in some states had their catalyst from Offenders themselves. Not because some lawmaker was sitting around and decided he or she wanted to tighten the screws. But I digress,

I have no tolerance for women who "give up their children" to pursue relationships with sex offenders "despite" that "one and only true love bullshit". Its every mother's obligation Prior to getting pregnant to determine their choices from here on out must be in favor of the children.

The fact you had an ex doing that voluminous amount of drugs indicates the family dynamics of all parties involved may not be as healthy as, or the choices of the personalities in the relationship were capable of making momentous decisions, especially when children are in the mix.

Then to add insult to injury, as a collective the members of DS re-enforce those choices disguised as "support".

I don't wish you any ill will but often in fact inevitably, "choices" made now don't show their true repercussions until many, many years later when children are involved.

Anonymous said...

"Val" you feel that I am leaving a lot out.. what exactly do you feel that I am leaving out? I have no problem discussing this! As far as "repercussions" of the registry.. I have no issue's with the registry!!! My fiancee' registers as required and we have no problems with that... Just another part of life! As far as my ex is concerned, yes the amount of drugs he was taking does say a lot about him and his personality but nonetheless I am still better off where I am today, than I ever was with him!!! As far as my "choices" showing their results years later. It's hard to believe this is a choice I will ever regret being that I have known and loved this man for 18 years. I have seen how he's turned his life around and know that things will continue to get better, not worse!! He would never hurt a child period. His charge would have been dropped had the romeo and juliet act been retroactive, and he would have been released that day!!!

Valigator said...

""nonetheless I am still better off where I am today, than I ever was with him!!!

I always find statements as the above highly insulting to women as a whole. But the glaring aspect of that sentence indicates how "needy" you are. The women I know and associate with, would never "narrow their choices down to either a drug addict or a sex offender". Surely you don't think I would be the only one making that observation? I also doubt these behaviors are good role models for your daughters.

If I appear "brutal" in my attitude towards the daily strength group and or their members responses, its only due to the overwhelming degradation you show to yourselves. In this day and age when women clamor for equal respect, pay and footing in a difficult world, its nauseating at the very least to observe the "grooming" some of you succumb too. But what is mind-blowing is many members of your group so willingly align with men whose crimes mimic the same ones that tore your world apart in the first place. Not sure why you afford them so much "respect"..

Elmo said...

How is my stating that I am better off today than I ever was with my ex husband insulting to women? It has NOTHING to do with other women!!!
And, this says that I am "Needy" how? I left a HORRIBLE relationship for someone who RUNS his OWN business, Cares for his elderly father and takes care of me both emotionally and financially. He did his crime, yes, but he did his time and has turned his life around!!! He has not had so much as a parking ticket in the 8 years since his release. Drug addiction happens, it's what a person does about it that makes the difference. If one can overcome a drug addiction they can overcome anything. Sex offenders make a mistake. Many of them were YOUNG but still they pay their price for what they did and turn their lives around as my fiancee' has. As I stated before, his case was opened due to him having a girlfriend who was just 3 years younger than he was. HE was 20 while she was 17!!!! The romeo and juliet act was created a couple of years after his conviction and had it been retroactive, he would have been released IMMEDIATELY!!! Why do you care so much? Do you think your doing the world a favor? I agree that some Sex Offender's don't CHANGE but many do and the chances of a s.o. re-offending are generally LOW!!!
My fiancee' has not only CHANGED his life, but he's changed MINE as well! He has taught me so much about so many different things, shown me that true love does exist unconditionally, and that he's been there for me for 18 years. He's the EXACT role model that I want for my daughters!!! Someone who has made mistakes in their life and has LEARNED from them, someone who WORKS for what they have and want, cares for the people they love and doesn't judge!!! However, I have to ask... Even though I know you won't answer, just as you have ignored my other questions... How do you know that my children are girls? I have not stated that in any of my comments on your blog. Adding Stalking to your record??? Do your love interests choose to OVERLOOK your criminal history? Or do they judge you as you judge other's? You will have to answer these questions before GOD one day... Karma will come around full circle! One day, you will realize in one way or another, that GOD loves all of his children and doesn't judge, why should you?!?
My fiancee' has more than EARNED my respect and I am sure the other spouses, parents and loved one's on DS feel the same way. Had their family member's not admitted their guilt, apologized and made strides to change, they would not support them, just as I would not support my fiancee'.

Valigator said...

First off "oh so bright one" (sarcasm) The Romeo and Juliet legislation was set up for persons who were convicted under the circumstances you describe (if) are true. States have long recognized that a few, ONLY A VERY FEW registrants have those scenarios under their belts and have enabled them to Petition off the registry if the circumstances of the crime meet very specific criteria. You have to look up your state and contact an attorney to gauge if applicable in your husband's case. Now being fair, without knowing what state your in, I cant offer up much more information other than this legislation is meant to be retroactive and has no bearing on the original date of conviction. I'll research it a little more thoroughly later.

Your expose' above is a little confusing. Initially you stated the first husband was drug addicted your quote: " I, myself, left my ex husband bc he was taking 60 vicodin and 60 xanax in 3-5 days" and then you go on to write: " Drug addiction happens, it's what a person does about it that makes the difference. If one can overcome a drug addiction they can overcome anything".???..So according to You, your second and present husband was a drug addict and a sex offender? (you muddied the waters a little there) ..Your second point was "Sex offenders make a mistake". You broke Valigator's cardinal rule with that pathetic statement. My mantra is putting too much pepper in the soup is a "MISTAKE", committing a sexual offense is a "CRIME". Surely you can imagine how many "mistakes" I run into each day by Pro-offender groups who define a "mistake" as anything from exhibitionism to mounting a 4 year old.

You write: "Even though I know you won't answer, just as you have ignored my other questions" I happen to think I have been very gracious responding to your comments, the fact you are not getting the "affirmation" you seek from me, is a common misunderstanding from the DS group in relation to whether you feel ignored or not. You chose to step out on the limb to engage me and attempt to "speak" for the DS group as a whole. That's woefully apparent by your last few sentences attempting to disparage me with accusations, a jab at a criminal history and then a "dose of God" thrown in for good measure. I am sure you'll get a few high fives from the DS members. (which is what your looking for). You flatter yourself to think I would spend much more time anywhere other than here and DS on you (stalking comment) My suppositions come from what you write on DS and not anymore or anyless.

You still didn't answer my question though, why do the women of DS hold sexual predators in such "high esteem" and offer them such a "wide berth" on a forum that is designed to give support for those who were "victimized" by these predators same crimes? I can almost understand "REW" he is literally a plethora of jail/prison info that can be helpful for women navigating this for the first time, but your forum has some true freaks contributing on a daily basis, "how do you think I found your group".. that most of you blindly and unconditionally hail these guys as hero's and fall for their online versions of "mistakes" indicate to me at least, most of you are just "victims in waiting"..((AGAIN)